I think I might be concussed?

[Lucy is eagerly holding tightly onto the elbow of a good looking barista with both hands. The device is on the coffee bar and there's a abandoned cup of coffee next to it. Lucy is leaning forward, talking animatedly about her life in general]

So the AC man is there but I didn't know the AC man was there. Momma sorta forgot to tell me. The house is blazin' hot and since Daddy is at work I'm walking around without a stitch of clothing on. I headed toward the kitchen to get a glass of ice water with my earbuds in my ears. So there I am standing in front of the freezer, glass in one hand, iPod in the other completely naked with my eyes closed and I'm singing along.

I think it took five minutes before I finally closed the freezer door and turned around to see the AC man starin' at me gape jawed.

[She sits back a bit but doesn't relinguish her hold on the barista.]

He sorta waved his fee that day and Momma and me went and bought new shoes with it. It's not like we could tell Daddy I was strip naked in front of the AC man.

He did ask why ever once in a while they'd stop by just to check on our air conditioning unit. Momma and I managed to convince him they had great customer service.

[ooc: Lucy is affected by the stranger danger curse. Feel free to voice/video or come save the poor barista from too much TMI but beware, she'll probably TMI you too]

If you know the Master...he's gone home. Again.

I don't understand why we go home. There doesn't ever seem to be a point to it. Not for some of us. I mean okay I get that for some people it's this whole...good thing. It's not that way for all of us.

I guess it's true. The City runs on misery.

[Private]

Hardison, can you come watch movies with me for a little while?

Life sucks.

Home. Here.

But guess what I learned? Hell sucks worse.

Really tired.

Glad October is over.

[Lucy is sitting in the flat she shares with the Master surrounded by candles. She has on a pink life vest. There are plastic, sealed tubs of shoes stacked beside her.]

Currently, I'm protesting against anything that has to do with big G God. Not getting on a boat here. In protest because I'm pissed him.

[The video zooms out. She's sitting in an inflatable life raft]

Protesting in a raft with shoes in water tight tubs. I'm angry not stupid.

[There's the sound of someone stumbling, falling and a soft 'ow'. A black high heel comes into view.]

Oh God...I can't do this. Not now.

[The voice sounds choked with tears. A hand reaches down, picks up the device and finally the identity of the person is seen. It's Lucy and her eyes are red-rimmed and puffy. She has on little to no makeup and she's dressed in a black, conservative, sleeveless dress.]

Please not now. Just send me back for a little while. Just a couple of months.

[She swipes at the tears welling in her eyes and spilling down her cheeks]

How long have I been gone? Is Harry still here? Keats? Hardison? Penny? Or did they all leave me too?

[She raises one trembling hand to smooth over her hair]

I just need to go home. I can't do this.

[She fiddles with the device a little]

So not fair...it's Bear Bryant's birthday

[Lucy is sitting in the apartment she shares with the Master. There's a couples of pints of ice cream on the coffee table and a bottle of Bailys. She's got her legs crossed and her feet are bare. Her hair is braided into pigtails and she's beaming at the video]

PENNY!

It's ME and I am irrevocably--yes I know what it means--absolutely and completely in love with you. I can't live another day without you. I thought you could move into Harry's place with us and use the stripper pole.

Please?

And I am sacrificing two whole pints of ice cream in your name.

( Private to the Master )

[ooc: Lucy isn't cursed at all. She's just insane and trying to make Chris feel better]

Okay City, you know just when I decide I hate you beyond the telling of it you do this.

I love you today.

So very very much

It's like you knew I liked shiny things.

Harry, please tell me you're sparkling. I'm curious for decidedly NC-17 reasons. You have no idea how many fantasies this would fulfill.

Questions too. Like does everything sparkle?

[Have a Lucy sitting indian style on the bed. She's leaning over her legs, elbows on the bed. Her chin is in her hands]

Okay. Seriously? It was a bad idea when they made a movie. What makes you think it wouldn't be a bad idea in real life? Relatively there aren't that many things God decides need to be extinct. Dinosaurs were one of them. Maybe. Just maybe. Possibly we should oh...I don't know....

LEAVE THEM DEAD

Just an idea.

PS.

Harry, can we go see the T-Rex? [Because clearly if the dinosaurs are already alive she should go see them and Time Lord > T-Rex]

[Lucy is sitting on the edge of the bathtub in her robe doing her toenails. She waves at the video screen]

Just...a...second [A swipe of color across her pinkie toe and she looks up with a beaming smile]

Okay. I'm good. As you can see I'm very much not a vampire anymore. No offense but wow so glad that's not happening. I like me more me shaped than vampire shaped.

[Locked from the Master, Frankie, Chris, Lord Rido and Menolly]

Okay so I'm thinking that Miss Marples etiquette rules dictates that the proper 'Thank you for letting me suck your blood/Sorry I bit you' gift is balloons, chocolate and a strip-o-gram. Rido isn't getting the strip-o-gram because I'm afraid he'd eat her and then I'd feel bad.

What do ya'll think?

[End private]

Also? I'm five seconds away from taking advantage of this whole dancing thing. Harry, Penny, Keats, Chris, Menolly, Hardison--want to come with?

Harry, can we get a stripper pole? It can be in the bedroom if you want.

[ooc: If you've got the technology/ability to hack the Masters filters, have at it unlocking the locked bit. Yes this means Menolly, Chris, Frankie and Harry are getting a giant balloon bouquet, chocolate and a strip-o-gram. Menolly's is a guy. Rido, sorry you're just getting a bottle of blood and balloons. All have notes that say Thank you for letting me drink your blood!]

Okay guys. I'm going to need some help.

Desperately seeking my angel. He's like 5'8, droopy puppy eyes, shadowy wings and no sense of humor. He dresses like a playground pedophile which obvi he's not because HELLO angel. He's not answering his voicemail and I'm worried he's dead in a ditch to paraphrase my mother.

Also? I feel like I'm guy bashing here. A lot. Sorry boys. I really do love you all. Okay well most of you.

What is it with boys? I'm not talking about being clingy and having sex and WHY DIDN"T YOU CALL THE NEXT MORNING!!!! Because let's be honest here, I'd rather they not call in that case. That's the reason I give the fake number BUT ANYWAY--You wanted to be TMI'd tonight didn't you?--friends, they're supposed to let each other know they're okay. They're supposed to check in. They're supposed to not let friends worry they're dead in a ditch! Girls don't tend to do this as much. I know how Penny's doing. I know how Menolly is doing. I do not know how Cassie is doing.

Speaking of which I'm not sure I know how Keats is doing. Keats, call me. Let me know you haven't died of alcohol poisoning.

And we're not even going to get into the Harry issue.

Okay, that'd be all. If you see the angel in question let me know or alternately tie him up and leave him on my doorstep. That'll work.